I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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