I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
