just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
