If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I understand Curling. That high.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
