It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
