If i could tip my vagina, i would.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I pour the whiskey from now on
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
