So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
