I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
