Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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