I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I can't turn off my feet"
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
