i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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