Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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