it wasn't lemon gatorade
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
