her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
