So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I need to align my fucking chakras
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
