I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
