He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
