why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
