I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Randomize
