There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize