Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
