Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
