Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
