Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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