He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
