The best revenge is premature balding
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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