lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
