Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
