Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
