My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize