how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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