I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
