At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
