You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize