I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
