I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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