told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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