My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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