I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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