Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
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