How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
