Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize