I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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