Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
