The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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