A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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