is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Randomize
