i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
