My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
