you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
