I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
