you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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