just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Randomize
