So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
