I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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