if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
