My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
MIDGETS
????
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
