help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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