I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
