i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
