Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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