yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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