I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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