Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
whose parrot is this?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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